Look what I brought back from Ecuador!

So as most people bring back an alpaca jumper from Ecuador I just had to be different and bring back a baby. Now don’t worry it is mine and I haven’t just taken one off the street or from Otavalo market as I was previously told I could buy anything there! Yep, I’m almost 4 months pregnant and over the moon. It was a shock to both the father and I, but a wanted and loved little shock. Since coming back I have realised what wonderful friends and family I have here as I face one of the scariest jobs I have ever been given. I mean really me a mother…. Ahh I have no idea what to expect and just keep being told ‘you will just know and you will be fine’. I on the other hand do not have as much faith and seem to spend all my free time reading books and asking questions. One book a friend gave me seems to be an idiots guide to being a parent ( thanks by the way) with an alphabetical index with questions, for example ‘why is my baby crying?’ ‘ How many times should I feed my baby?’ ‘ How do I change a nappy?’. As I sat there laughing picturing a bleak and decrepit looking mother with a hungry, wet and angry baby looking through an index for answers I suddenly felt the cold realisation that I didn’t know the answers to these questions and in a couple of months I would be THAT woman! The laughter stopped and the book reading started!

 

The other day I met up with some friends for lunch and one’s 6 month old baby boy, she seemed so together and happy in this new position as if she was always meant to be give this role. When it was my turn for a cuddle with the gorgeous little man (who god love him had been passed around a full table of women but seemed to love the attention) after giving out a couple of beautiful smiles which melted my heart he then fell asleep on me. To sound soppy but it was wonderful to feel this cuddly warm baby’s sleepy breathing and to smell that clean fresh baby smell. It’s so amazing to think that in a couple of months I will have this all from my own tiny little baby.  

            

Returning home

So I am home and all the panic and tears have gone, why? Because of all my amazing friends and family! Ok so the first month was a bit of a struggle not just emotionally but because its so freaking cold, as I am walking around in gloves, scarf and the biggest thickest winter jacket and everyone else is talking about this lovely mild October we are having. A friend who spent many years in India told me it takes 3 months for your blood to thicken and become accustomed to British weather. My 3 months are nearly up and I am still walking around like Kenny from south park….

Anyway, I have spent some lovely weekends away with friends in London, Brighton, Leeds, The lakes and bonny Scotland with the family. Also some beautiful days out walking in good old Cumbria, I had forgotten just how picturesque it is. Speaking of Cumbria or Brampton in particular oh how I have missed the local crazies, anyone who hasn’t been here before let me describe it for you. Brampton is an old market town with cobbled streets, traditional shops and well the perfect brochure town, till you look closely and find out we have produced some of the finest crazies in Britain. Yes I know every town has its share but I have lived in a lot of places and Brampton really has got more than its fair share. An example from a few years ago-

There was a knock on the front door and to my surprise a well known crazy is stood there, she shouts that she would like to speak to my mum.

‘Sorry but she isn’t in’

‘I need my toenails cutting!’

‘Err ok best you go home and cut them’

‘I cant, will you cut them?’

‘No’

This could only happen in Brampton!

But really it’s so nice to be back, seeing old friends and making new ones. For now I am feeling settled and blessed living in such a beautiful area.  

Also need ideas on a new name for the blog, Girl about Brampton doesn't have the same ring to it!  

   

           

What I will miss from Ecuador.

Oh my god, there is too many things to mention Quito has been the most amazing place to live. I don’t know if it’s more to do with the wonderful friends I have made here or the incredible setting and atmosphere of this crazy city, whatever it is down to it has been the perfect mix of everything.

 Something I truly love about Ecuador is the fact you can buy almost anything on the buses or from the bus window! 

From dollar CD’s of pipe music ballads with all the old classics including my personal favourite ‘The power of love’ played by small unhappy looking Peruvian men, health vitamins ( that always promise to make me younger looking and never do the job!) and this is my personal favourite hologram pictures that everyone on the bus is just in awe of . I am not sure if this is a new concept here but remember the in the 80’s when everyone had them really tacky holograms of super ted or banana man, that when you moved them it was freaking amazing because the photo changed! Well they have arrived here and have photo’s Jesus on….. And oh my they love them, look its Jesus and now its saint Christopher!      

Now on to food as most of you know I cannot cook, well ok I can I just don’t want to! Eating is just one of those things you have to do to …..well live, I have a small dislike for all people who like to tell you in great detail about what particular herbs went into the dish they have cooked for you and which famous chef’s recipe it is. Yes, I go down a storm at dinner parties when I finish and announce that it was great it really filled a hole. However, here in Ecuador there is no messing around, at lunch times you go into an Almuerzo restaurant tell them you want to eat and they bring you a big plate of whatever they have made in bulk that day. Lovely! Normally they start with a soup and sometimes your lucky enough to find a chickens foot at the bottom, the first couple of time this freaked me out now I consider it lucky. Then onto a big plate of unidentified meat, veggies, rice and potatoes ( yes everything comes with carb overload). Finished off with a nice little scoop of ice-cream, all for the grand price of $2.50.  For this reason I just don’t cook here, why bother? Back in the UK I think I will have a couple of problems but I am sure my mother will not mind cooking, washing and ironing for her little girl again……! For all of you who know my mother will be laughing at this, last time I went home I put my dirty washing into the basket in the bathroom like I always used to do but nothing came back in those nice little ironed bundles. So I ask my mum hey what’s happing in the washing department in chez Agnes? Her reply was- Are those lazy little elf’s not working hard enough for you?

So I guess I have to learn how to cook and do my own washing, so rude!

Another thing is cleaning my own shoes, I know I am beginning to sound like a princess right now. Oh that’s another thing I know I blogged about the fact I hate Ecuadorian men calling my Princesa, Hermosa and Guapa, but my god when I start dating back in the UK I know they will not be calling my Beautiful princess. More like- darling fetch me another beer from the fridge. Don’t worry the reply will be F*$k off! Anyway back to cleaning my own shoes, there is a kid outside my work everyday and everyday he always spots me from no matter what the distance and shouts-‘ sucio! Sucio!’ in literal translation this is ‘dirty!dirty!’ he is referring to my shoes but Jesus kid! Most mornings I am running late so cant get him to clean my shoes which seems to anger him in knowing I will be walking around with dirty shoes all day. So every morning he shouts DIRTY at me and I am shouting ‘Tranquil Flaco’ with the whole street staring at us. But I do feel I will even miss this daily confrontation!   

 All in all Ecuador you have been a blast and an amazing experience, I will take away some unbelievable memories. Some I want to forget like being pissed on by a sleeping child on a long distance bus or all the times I have stood in the longest queues to be told wrong information or just simply told to come back tomorrow. However, I love you!   

Positive of returning to Carlisle

Ok there are a lot of positives I just have to really think about it, the obvious is seeing friends and family. Already I have been offered so many places to stay and enough dinners to feed Africa. It’s been almost 2 years since I have seen most of these friends but yet when we talk it’s as if I seen them yesterday. As much as I complain about Brampton being the smallest and most gossipy town in the world I love the fact I know everyone and they know me. It always take hour to walk down the main street due to people stopping you to just chat or to tell you what Mrs brown on the estate has been doing…. There are a lot of crazy people in Brampton so I mostly enjoy hearing these stories.

However, one of the biggest highlights is Lexi’s fridge, my best friend Lexi has the best fridge in not just Cumbria but the world!  It is always pack full of the greatest stuff. Every time I go round I find myself heading straight for her fridge and helping myself to that weeks delights. So on to food, England has some of the worst food in the world but hell its so bad for you its great. I love asking French people so what do you think of our food? Have you tried fish and chips wrapped in newspaper? Then watching their faces crumple with what can only be described as sheer disgust. Personally I cant wait to eat a full English, Pie’s, pickled onion monster munch and all washed down with a cold cider. Oh the pride of Britain!

Couple of other things I know all fellow Brit’s living abroad will understand- BBC Iplayer, ease of life (even in current economical situations), Primark, Tesco and road etiquette.

Oh I will arrive in time for Halloween which is cute and everything but even better Bombie night! How freaking great is Bombie night? No matter how old you are there is nothing better than being stood there in the freezing cold with sparkler in one hand (writing your name over and over, Michelle is far too long but shell is now down to a fine art) and a hot cider in the other. Watching the Catherine wheel and making wooo ahhhh sounds to every bang.

Guys cant wait to see you all but remember this excitement of being home with only last about a week ( like a child I only have a short attention span) after this I will need you to keep me entertained.            

Living life in a bubble

I haven’t written in a long time I know what this is down to and I guess when you’re happy not thinking about your future it’s easy to say your happy. Right now I feel content and fortunate with my life here, to get to this point I had to stop thinking about what has happened and what will happen. However, as the date of my flight home becomes closer I keep having more freak out moments. So how to deal with that? Just say yes! Hell yes its back!

So in the last two weeks I have been Salsa Dancing, Learning to cook and to more fiestas than Liam Gallagher! To the surprise of most people I returned to Banos and climbed up some really big hills and trees then zip lined down them, to anyone that knows me knows this is something I would never even consider. I have the biggest fear of heights! I remember once in South Africa a girl asking me to just come with her to take photos of her doing a bungee jump, this ended in me hyperventilating on a bridge surrounded by all the staff getting me to breathe deeply into a paper bag! She was not best please to say the least. However, this time I decided I have faced worse and what could go seriously wrong? I loved it! It was incredible the feeling of free flying through the beautiful cloud forest.

Then onto the next fear….. getting on the back of a motorbike and heading up a volcano! Why I hear you ask? No idea but once again a fantastic experience, I even wanted to drive ( do you drive or ride, oh whatever just get on it full throttle).Thankfully he didn’t let me as we all know this is a bad idea really!

Then back to the beautiful Mindo for a spot of Tubing, what is tubing? You sit in an inflated tracker tyre and zoom down the river rapids….. feaking amazing! I laughed the whole way. We noticed in Mindo everything is in the present continuous for example Tubing, Walking, Canopying and so on. So for the rest of the weekend everything we done had to end in ING, siestaing and churching sounded a little weird but the drinking and dancing came easier.

So what next? After a little push ok a big push from Jo I have finally sat down and started to plan my return to the UK. I have enrolled on a creative writing course and have started to write a children’s book. I love the fact I can write whatever I want in this book and not have to explain why the main characters best friend is a talking cat and his mother is a dragon, its my imaginary world and I make the rules!

So back to the UK for a couple of months and then next adventure Spain. I haven’t really thought about Spain and as with everything in my life I will just wing it and see what comes. This has worked for the last 32 years so lets keep hitting and hoping!

One thing I am looking forward to is seeing my wonderful best friend getting married and I am so proud to be her maid of honour. Lexi I promise not to get as drunk as I did at Kiera’s christening, even though Hannah is trying to be a bad influence!    

See you all in October                      

Dating in Ecuador

When I first decided to travel to South America I had visions of tropical white sandy beaches filled with tanned hot men with ponytails drinking Cuba Libres out of coconuts. In reality most of the men I have come across have large bellies that they like to roll their tee shirt up and tuck between their man boobs and their proud large round stomachs….. not the vision I had hoped for! However, the beaches are to die for once you get past the ‘ psss princesa, hermosa’ or ‘hola Guapa’ or my personal favourite ‘Que rico’ from the passing local gentlemen. Not all the guys are like this and lets be honest we have our own fair share of dickheads in the UK, Quito guys are a little more tactful when your walking in the street but once they open the doors to the guys on Ladies night……. For the love of god who teaches these boys the most appalling chat up lines? Oh that’s right me! I have one student who if he does well in class that week I give him one chat up line in English. For all my Quito girlfriends….. I am sorry it was me! He loves Friday chat up line time, you have beautiful eyes, Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? ( good use of past tense I feel) and for this one I am truly sorry but I was running out of the none offensive and had to pull out this old cracker…… Get your coat you have pulled! I’m sorry…..  But it’s better than the same old four words that some them only know- Hello Baby, My Love….

As you can tell my dating experiences are going well here in Quito.

                

I wanted to check I was not just being unfortunate so asked some of the girls if they also had these experiences, oh yes and here are their top Ecuadorian chat ups-

"Gracias a dios por tu pecho" from a taxi driver. Thank god for your chest.

"Baja la blusa un poquito mas"

"You know, I don't like dating Ecuadorian women anymore. I prefer gringas. Wanna know why?" Me, "not really." Him, " because you have to buy them dinner and everything. Gringas are so much easier!" Thank you!

I love when grown men call ‘mi mami’... So Freudian

Baños broke me …….again!

So the fatal mistake of mixing 6 excited girls, drinks and Banos resulted in a black eye, a chipped tooth and a pulled back muscle …… But great fun! So Friday night we all head to Banos in Marco’s car I have full intentions of catching up on some zzzz till Marco announces there is a bottle of jack in the back of the car….. wooohoooo NOW let the fun begin!

So we arrived late on Friday night and instead of going to bed we hit Banos town big time, remember the toy cars that you pull back, release and watch going flying forward? They are the perfect example of us after hours in a car with a bottle of jack! After being in the hostel for a matter of half an hour we were told to be quiet twice …… so its only fair for us to take our excitement and noise to the nearest bar. No idea what time we got home but for the love of god we just couldn’t find anywhere that was still selling alcohol, so at a guess it was late.

The next morning I woke up on top bunk, how I got up there the night before I have no idea. So I hang my head over the side to see which sleeping beauty is below me and the lovely Heather with last nights make up on is still giving big ZZZZZ. So what to do? I’m bored, stuck on top bunk ( like really no idea how I made it up there as I cant get down sober) and feeling a little sick if I am honest. So I start to cough and rock the bed a little, heather wasn’t as pleased to see my smiling upside down face as I had hoped!   

So that mornings rafting trip was out of the window, not a hope in hell of getting us on a boat! So as Delia and Heather look around for a tour operator to take us that afternoon I head to Café Hood to meet up with Claire and Jorge, after a couple of Jorge’s strong coffees the world is calm again and I start to enjoy hearing what they have been up to since my last visit.  Delia and Heather join us with some great and not so great news, they have sorted rafting but also booked us on a disco bus that night. I have a pet hate for all drunken knobs on these types of things…… looks like I will be one of these drunken knobs tonight!

We also made a new friend, he is called Albert and is imaginary! So wherever we go we have to save a space for Albert also share our food and drink with him, some very confusing looks when we were having a conversation with an empty chair and sharing our breakfast with it…… in our heads it was the funniest thing ever! So after enjoying wine and Jenga, which Albert kept losing at, may I mention! We head off to rafting on the back of a pick up, this was extremely uncomfortable and not the best idea after the night before’s consumption levels. One of us finished the ride over the back of the truck vomiting as we were still moving and the other two clinging to our stomachs hoping not to go the same way……. Classy ladies we know! 

However, the rafting was amazing! So much fun and so much laughing, once again we were the loudest and I feel the serious medical students who were unfortunate enough to be placed with us really did hate us…… oh well we had fun! As we hit the first rapid we are screaming for him to tip the boat and having the rest of the group asking not too….. and we do a half flip leaving only Delia and I in the boat ( the two who wanted to flip). The guide starts to shout at us to paddle but the ors are all over the river so what to do but doggy paddle over the side, which results in us just laughing in hysterics! The first person we pick up is a terrified small medical student as I try to lift her back into the boat I cant for laughing so hard at just how petrified her face is…… like she has just gone down with the Titanic! I know I was being mean but I just couldn’t stop laughing. In the end the guild had to come to the front and lift her in, she just glared at me as she fell into the boat. I feel my apology was not quite believed as I struggled to keep a straight face!

Later that night as I am getting ready to be a drunken knob on the vengabus I look in the mirror to find I have a bruise across my cheek, of course I blame Delia for this as she was the closest to me on the raft and I wouldn’t put it past her! However, it could have been the angry little medical student and who could blame her? This will stay a mystery ( but really it was Delia).

So the vengabus…… what to say? I LOVED it! Absolutely brilliant and done it in true classy fashion with a carton of wine with a bendy straw, which was later use to do Madonna impressions! So the vengabus takes us up to a view point to see the volcano, by this point we are drunk and have no interest in such cultural things, which is good as its so cloudy you cant see anything but yet people are still staring out at…… NOTHING! We lose Esther and the other two as soon as we get there, once again like the pull back cars we are released and go running off! Fear not I am still with Albert, Delia and Heather so we proceed to walk around the large groups of people whispering but in a loud voice Esssttthhheeerrrr. Now I know your thinking how do you whisper in a loud voice? Picture the girl from the Exorcist, now imagine being stood looking out at the so called volcano enjoying a quiet time and having that bad voice coming up behind you! We gave a great name to all tourists that night!

Back onto the vengabus with cartons of wine, pole dancing ( always happens in Banos) and disapproving looks we get back to Banos. That night I try and fail to dance instead I start demanding fried chicken ( in a scouse accent for some reason) ,  luckily Deila is the pro at finding good chicken and the 3 of us sorry 4 keep forgetting Albert enjoy chicken and chips at daft o clock.

Sunday morning was a bad day a very bad day in my books, we departed late from the hostel so no time for coffee! As I am stood painfully with a pulled back muscle drinking bad coffee for a street stall I run my tongue over my back tooth to find half of it missing! I mean really how the hell did I not notice doing that? As the famous dark mood of hungover Michelle enters I now apologise to everyone I was rude to…… Peaceful, respectful and well lets not go too far Michelle is back, I promise x