So today was meant to be my wedding day the
dress hanging in my mother’s wardrobe and the bridesmaid dresses still unmade
and untouched. For the last month I have been slowly falling apart (apologies
to all friends involved) as I desperately try to sort the positive from the
negative thoughts in my head, I view my brain to be the same as the back of a
work station with computer wires tangled and twisted so I can’t make out the
start or end points. However, today I have unplugged everything and started to
lay the wires out into neat rows. Last night I boarded an over night bus with
the lovely Fernanda and Jo then headed to the beach, Sun, Fun and what was
it….. oh yes Sand! Are more than needed this weekend to give me that final push
to make it though. So here we are staying with the multi talented Patricio and
Jaana in their new beautiful Kotona bistro.
For the last two weeks I have desperately been
trying not to be alone with the thoughts of what could have been, but today I
found a quiet place and made a list of why of the situation and events are for
the best. I feel these are a little too personal to post on here, I can tell
you I feel better straightening these thoughts in my own head. There are still
so many things in life I want to do but to be honest I am going to stop looking
for these things and just live for now! It took a long time to stop asking ‘why
me?’ Now I am just asking what fun and trouble can I enjoy today, because even
next week seems like too long term planning.
Now I have been told about a club here in Manta and
I think it sounds like the perfect wedding night with Salsa, mojitos and laughs.
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