Brampton V’s Quito – Road Etiquette

Ok don’t worry I am not going to be one of these smug expats who go on about how amazing their lives are now they have left crapy UK. I truly feel both have positive points and some days I do crave the normality and ease of home. A small example of this is crossing the road, each morning at 7am on my way to my first class ( I Know! 7am who the fuck wants to learn English at this time) I dice with death trying to cross two ( yes only two) normal size roads! It’s like The cryptic maze trying to judge at what speed they are coming if they are even going to turn onto your road ( indicators what are they for?) and finally if they are going to speed up and aim for you! I feel I honestly live life on the edge everyday. I want to start giving out high fives when I get to work, because I am so happy to get there alive with all limbs intact. There are zebra crossing but they are seen as silly white lines someone has painted on the road!?

However, road etiquette in Brampton is at the other end of the scale. As a driver there have been so many times that I have become Gordon Ramsay behind the wheel with the old folk who still drive and REALLY should have stopped 20 years ago! Classic example everyday that flower lorry stops outside Daisy Chain leaving only one side of the road to pass it, this is fine not problem people have to work and we can deal with this……. However, along comes Margret/ Doris or whatever this particular one is called in her Volvo ( which is too big for her and she always takes 10 minutes to park outside the post office, but that’s another story)and she spots Ethel  walking back up to the estate and must tell her about the next church meeting. So instead of calling her later she decides to block the one free side of the road! We all know that 10 minutes before she has taken 5 bloody minutes to try and get that gigantic Volvo through the cut from the estate. So if you’re the poor bastard who has followed her down from there you have already taken 15minutes to drive 200 yards.

I think the only answer is for me to become a driver in Ecuador and a pedestrian in Brampton!    

    

     

Pizza in a Cone!

This is a truly magical invention, this guy needs a noble prize for the perfection of this product. It’s a pizza its in a cone! A pizza IN a cone! Forget trying to hold a slice after one too many beers on a Friday night with two hands and your pinkies extended to keep the topping on the thin crust and not drip any oil/ tomato or cheese all over yourself or in your hair ( is that just me?). For me I know it’s been a truly top night if I have food in my hair, strange way to judge a night out but tried and tested!

Anyway the true legend Crystal suggested we all get a pizza at stupid o’clock last Friday after enjoying the micro brewery finest, always up for food after Beer I was in! Then ….. pizza in a cone was mentioned, this is the point where my life changed forever! I even started taking photos of random people enjoying the Pizza in a cone experience, Am I the last person to find out about this remarkable product? Surely it has changed the dirty kebab/burger world evermore?     

Male or Female?

   

In the oven

There she is! Beautiful!

Us enjoying our Pizza's in a Cone, also with a nice Tampon ad in the background!  

The Man The Legend! 

Fashion- BOOM got your boyfriend

Ok I am not the hottest on Fashion but I feel I can comment on some on the terrible sights I have seen here in Ecuador. Now this is not just the Ecuadorians oh no some of the Gringos really need shot, now I haven’t had the courage to take a photo of these unique breeds. However, fear not our imaginations will not let us down! Ok picture this…..Jesus sandals, Ecuadorian striped trousers, tie-dye tee shirts and topped off with Peruvian woolen over the ears hat! I fucking kid you not all together! You would not inflict this sight on people back home so why are they doing it to my eyes here? They I am sure know they look like complete and utter knobs as you don’t see these bad boys walking around any cities in Britain. Well maybe Warrington as every time I have gone there I am never overly surprised at what I see…. Anyway here are some pics to wet your imagination.

On to Ecuadorian’s poor taste in Tee shirts, remember a time around the mid 90’s where people unforgivably had tee shirts with stupid saying written on them. Things like ‘ this bitch bites back’ ( yes I had that one!) or ‘too sexy for you’ and other inexcusable things on? Well its still here….. Best by far was a large middle aged woman wearing ‘BOOM, got your boyfriend’  But as her breasts were so large the BOOM was spread out over them and turned into CAP locks with the ‘got your’ only just seen under them. I wanted to ask her if she truly understood the meaning, then tell her I think its been a while since she had stolen anyone’s boyfriend! This sight I am sad to say I didn’t have a camera to hand but I promise it is as terrible as your imagining. 

 Now that’s my fashion rant over, as I look in my wardrobe at the same 4 outfits I packed from Lima 3 months ago and think why out of all my clothes did I bring this rubbish? The woman in the laundry has got to know me well as I have to go there so much and even bought me a pair of socks ….. This is the god honest truth Sonja ( yes first name terms) told me my socks were very old and here is a new pair!